Under no circumstances should you spend the first 24 hours after you have separated from your partner locked away in your room. You have to act.

If your partner left you, he may have been planning his departure for a while and may have taken legal advice already.

- Take money out of your bank account to get you through the first few weeks but try to be fair - if there is $10,000 in an account, take out only $5000.

- Change the password on your bank accounts. The last thing you want him to do is spend all your savings.

- Apply to the bank to change your accounts to two signatories so you and your partner have to sign.

- Organise with the bank to receive all correspondence relating to your accounts.

- Collect as many papers as possible and make copies of the lot - deeds to the family home, investment properties, share certificates and super fund details.

- Secure all of your paperwork, preferably away from your family home.

- See an accredited solicitor (and psychologist).

- Keep the lines of communication open. This will increase the chance of an amicable separation. Speaking through solicitors drastically increases the chance of miscommunication, which can lead to litigation. It's also expensive!

* Death of your partner

You need to sort out your financial affairs, deal with lawyers, split the assets according to the will and take control of your finances.

Generally, all assets go to the surviving spouse or partner and will not have to be divided, including your place of residence, your partner's superannuation and your investments. You are also likely to receive a life insurance payout.

As soon as you can, you need to locate your husband's will. If it has not been updated since your marriage, don't worry, your marriage overrides it.

If you find that your husband has not left any kind of will, you must apply to the Probate Division of the Supreme Court to be made executor of the estate.

Any jointly owned real estate automatically will go to you, the surviving spouse. This includes the family home and any investment properties. When it comes to wills, de facto partners are given similar rights to spouses. If a will can't be located, de facto relationships are recognised as family relationships and de facto partners can inherit property in certain situations. Don't forget life insurance either. Most people have at least a small policy tied to their super fund.

If your partner was insured only through his super policy, the payout will probably be one or two times his annual salary. If he had a specific life insurance policy, that payout will be much larger. This money, in effect, has to make up for not being able to receive any kind of maintenance, as you would receive in a divorce case.

Locate your husband's life insurance policy and notify the insurer of his death. The insurer will process the claim and pay a lump sum to the beneficiary. This money is tax-free and can be used for any purpose. For example, you can use it to pay off debt like your mortgage or to cover your everyday living costs.

Having located the will and the life insurance policy, contact the accountant who handles your partner's affairs and seek advice.

End of the affair

In past generations marriage was "Till death do us part". These days it's often "Till we serve each other divorce papers". Gee, how times have changed.

Almost half of all marriages end in divorce. In 2006, 51,375 Australian couples divorced. The same year there were 114,222 marriages. It's not just newlyweds changing their mind. About 45 per cent of couples getting divorced have been married for more than 10 years.

Libby and I have beaten the odds and been married 29 years, touch wood. But we've been through a period where many of our friends haven't been so fortunate. It seems kids leaving school is a critical time of analysis for many couples.

We've had female friends come to us at separation in a panic. Often they don't know where their money is and how they can access it.

Many are not the primary breadwinner and have had little involvement in the family finances. They are alone and vulnerable. Here's what to do - and what not to do.  - David Koch

Case Study

Trust and money after the divorce

Karen thought she and her husband were happily married. That's until it became all too obvious he was having an affair. Karen forgave him and they had another baby to go with their family of two daughters. Then Karen found out her husband was having another affair.

She realised they needed to stay apart and made the agonising decision to separate.

Karen was a trained nurse but became a full-time mum after having kids. She had always looked after the bills and, luckily, money wasn't an issue at the time of separation. She just kept on doing the family's banking, having access to spending money as usual.

Even after getting divorced, Karen and her ex-husband didn't rush into a financial settlement. He wished to cause her as little trouble as possible. He paid all the family's expenses and Karen had access to his credit card account for her needs as well as family necessities.

It's all about trust, Karen says, and it works both ways. "We discuss how our money is going and it has always been thought of as our money. The important thing is to keep the channels for discussion open."

Karen believes the key to happiness for all of them, particularly the children, is to see the good side of the other partner. The more you talk about your partner's faults, especially in front of the children, the more bitterness grows.